Neighbor Love and the Considerate Traveler

Noise-cancelling headphones are one of the best inventions in recent memory. I was given a set a couple of years ago. Since I travel a fair amount, I have come to appreciate the ability to block out aircraft engine noise and a fair amount of other distractions as well. I like my headphones.

But I’ve discovered that my headphones have their limitations. The do not cut out noise at certain frequencies, including high pitched baby squeals or the voice of the really loud guy currently two rows behind me who is going on a mission trip overseas. I don’t know this fellow; we’ve never been introduced. I don’t know what he looks like. But I know an awful lot about him already, because I and about 15 other people in this part of the plane can hear every word he says, and we are being treated to the sound of his outbursts of laughter with regularity.

Which brings me to my point: All people should be courteous, but it occurs to me that the call to neighbor love should make Christians the most courteous, considerate people of all. But I’m afraid this is not always the case. I think this may be because some who call themselves Christians simply aren’t courteous. They are rude and self-centered, and courtesy is something to be shown to them, not shown by them.

Others were never taught to be courteous. It is no secret that we have a manners deficit in our country, and a good number of people, believers included, just don’t know any better. And then there are those who just don’t think about it. Their lack of courtesy is an oversight, not some grand moral failure. But neighbor love, it seems to me, should cause us to consider being considerate in all of life. It is a way of showing that we care about another person, that we are thinking of their well-being, and that we are willing to defer to them for the sake of Christ and the gospel.

The expression of neighbor love I call courtesy should be the mark of the considerate traveler. Christians are journeying through this world to the next, and we are called to do so in a distinctively Christian manner. Our smaller journeys, from place to place, from city to city or country to country, should be marked by that distinctive Christian manner, in matters small and large. This is the stuff of a Christian way of life.

I want to suggest some ways that we might show ourselves to be the considerate traveler and, therefore, one who faithfully practices neighbor love. Of course traveling isn’t the only time we should display neighbor love, but since I’m traveling as I write this, here are some examples drawn from my experience over the last 24 hours. I’ve chosen seven, for no special reason. There are more I could mention, but this will surely get the point across.

  • Watch the volume of your voice: Be aware of the volume of your voice when in a public setting. You may be very interested in what you have to say. And so may the person to whom you’re speaking. But don’t assume everyone else around you is interested. I’ll be perfectly honest. I’m tired after a few days of travel, and I’d like to read my book. But the guy behind me is telling his friend all about all sorts of things. Not only is he stunningly dull, he’s loud enough to fell a small building. Enough already.

I’ve taught my children about what I call a “sense of presence.” Know where you are, be aware of your surroundings, and always consider how what you do and say may affect those around you, especially those you do not know. Some people have a naturally resonate voice, and they have to be especially careful about this. Some people just talk loudly, and they need to break this bad habit. (I have this problem myself. You don’t have to speak to your neighbor like you’re Whitefield trying to preach to thousands in an open field.) As I say to my son (and said to one daughter before him), use the “inside voice.”

  • Be aware of the nature of your laughter: This is the same as my advice about the volume of your voice. It’s fine to laugh. I encourage you to. And sometimes boisterous laughter is irrepressible. But some people laugh a whole lot, and do it loudly all the time. This becomes annoying eventually, especially when most of the people who hear you have no idea what is so funny.
  • Beware of slamming hotel doors: Hotel doors close on their own, and they are amazingly loud. So, just shut the door yourself, instead of letting it close on its own. Your neighbor at the hotel is just about to fall asleep after a really hard day. And you let your door slam, and he is now awake for another half hour. Neighbor love should cause you to spend the extra three seconds it will take to close the door quietly.
  • Be careful about late night (and early morning) noise: This is the general principle of which the slamming door is a specific instance. Whatever your sleep habits may be, realize that many, I suppose most, sleep at night. So, after 9:30 or 10:00 or so, just be quiet in a public place like a hotel or a plane. This applies to late nights to be sure, but also to early mornings. Whether you like it or not, not everyone gets up at 6:00am singing hymns and loving life. And even if you think they should, Prov 27:14 counsels you to be quiet in the morning. Thank you very much.

A word to parents: I know that travelling with children can be difficult and exhausting. So you’re in the hotel after a long day, and the kids are a bit cranky, and the fact that junior wants to play baseball in the hotel room, while it may not be best, is something you’re just not willing to fight about. So you let him run and play, hoping he’ll eventually pass out so you can have a moment of quiet. I get that. But your neighbor didn’t sign up (much less pay for a hotel room) to hear your kids play at midnight. It isn’t cute, and it isn’t funny. So, be courteous. A suggestion – request a first floor room so you aren’t above another guest.

  • Be charitable about your place in line: I’m always amazed to watch how people rush to get on an airplane. It’s as if we’re all on the Titanic, and only the first in line will make it to a lifeboat. Listen – the plane will take off once everyone is boarded. Getting on first won’t change your arrival time. And, since Southwest has now gone to seat assignments, I think all US airlines have assigned seating. I am aware that deferring to others may mean you lose overhead space for your carry on. But perhaps neighbor love will cause you to gate check your luggage every now and then. The crosses we bear . . .

Let me be frank on this one. If you always have to be first in line, at the airport, at the buffet line, at the Gaither concert, then you have a problem. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that this problem is something like selfishness. So, stop it. Defer to your neighbor. Stop being so selfish. Really. Just stop it.

  • Don’t be obnoxious about seat backs on planes: If you’ve flown even a little bit it’s happened to you. The person behind you is getting seated, or they want to get out of their seat, or they are adjusting their movie screen, and they shake your seat back like they are trying to pull the thing off so they can hurl it out of the plane. And the particularly discourteous traveler will do this to you over and over and over. Don’t be that person.

Also, even though your seat back will recline so you can essentially lay in the lap of the person behind you, it doesn’t mean that you have to do so. I once watched a friend of mine caught in this unfortunate position for a several hour flight overseas. I thought I’d have to ask the flight attendant to bring the jaws of life to get him out. Instead I just passed food and drink into the cavern in which he was lodged until the particularly rude fellow in front of him awakened, just before landing, to let him out. Don’t be that person.

  • Don’t be a jerk to airline or hotel employees (or anyone else): I know, I know. You paid good money for that plane ticket. And now they’ve not treated you like you think they should. So, you’re going to show that corporation. You’re going to be just as rude as you can possibly be to that single mother of three who works overtime every week trying to keep up with her bills. She doesn’t run the company, she didn’t delay the plane, and she can’t make the replacement part show up any sooner. But you’re going to take out your frustration on her. With all the things you should stop, this may top the list.

And I realize that some employees have an attitude. That they essentially ask for a customer to let them have it. Don’t “let them have it.” Do this instead: Be courteous to them. Realize there may be more happening in the situation than you might see from your limited vantage point. And, if you think something must be done because you’ve been wronged, get the name of the employee and talk to their supervisor. Acting like a jerk at the gate or in the lobby or on the phone isn’t the solution you’re looking for. And if it is, if you really enjoy mistreating people like this, then we need to have another conversation. Don’t be that person either.

So, there it is. I think you get the point. A Christian way of life should work itself out in ways big and small. And the seemingly insignificant may matter in ways we too often overlook. We don’t need more rude Christians. We do need Christians who exhibit neighbor love in such a way that others see the more excellent way of love that the apostle Paul commended to us and that our Lord exhibited at every turn.topodin.com

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  1. David Scott   •  

    Thanks for this very necessary (for me at least) reminder. My wife and I just finished a very long return trip from San Antonio; arrived at RDU @ 2:30AM. We had numerous opportunities to observe the rude behaviour of some and the graciousness of others; my wife is always in the gracious number which her husband doesn’t always join!

  2. Eric S   •  

    Dr. Nelson,

    It is interesting how most of your points would be taken care of if we believers were displaying the fruit of the Spirit in our lives.

    I had to laugh, though, as I read through your suggestions. If you ever spend any time in the Arab world you would see just about all of these points being shattered. I know you are addressing believers in this post, but it made me laugh anyway. I will think about it again, and laugh, tomorrow morning when there are 6 to 8 men standing outside my living room window at 6:00am…not using their inside voices at all. Great post.

  3. Pastor Jim   •  

    I think that the rudest parking lot I’ve ever been in was recently leaving a Christian concert. At least the drunks leaving the ballgames are friendly and will let you in–as long as you’re rooting for the home team.

  4. Nathan Akin   •  

    Great word Dr. Nelson, I was recently hit over the head with this when I had the privilege of preaching from Titus. In that passage it says “show perfect courtesy toward all people” that is a demanding calling, but one for those that serve a King who always did so.

    Nathan

  5. Pingback: The Assembling of the Church | Why are Christians generally inconsiderate of others?

  6. Proverbs 19:11   •  

    I don’t guess the inconsiderate Christian traveler bothers me any more than the leave me alone, don’t bother me, it’s my world, I’m a PHD gnostic, your a immature pagan who thinks your a Christian, kind of Christian.

  7. Proverbs 19:11   •  

    WOW great advice from a peer.

    On the Dangers of Seminary (Pt. 6): The Danger of Becoming an Arrogant, Narcissistic, Hyper-Critical Jerk

  8. Wesley Handy   •  

    Dr. Nelson,

    I know its been about 5 months since this was posted. I ran across this post through a chain of link-following on Alan Knox’s blog.

    Being courteous in public goes a long way. It really stands out. As a former hotel manager and having worked in customer service positions for most of my working career, it is easy to spot mature loving people. They stand out. The jerks, the inconsiderate, the unloving, they are commonplace. They blend in and make life a constant dripping of hydrochloric acid on the forehead for people who deal with the public. The sad thing is that the ones, many times, who are the worst, are Christians! Perhaps its just because its hurts more from a brother or sister.

    But how one handles themselves in public, how they react to waiters, tellers, clerks, can be an amazing witness as well as an amazing hindrance to the gospel. How utterly foolish it is to mistreat the lowly clerks. Even if it were their “fault” for whatever set you off, how is blasting them going to change anything!!! Many times the real cause of the problem is management, and many more times than that the cause is our own personal feelings of entitlement.

    I try to teach my children on a daily basis (well, because its take daily reminders to get it through) to “Consider others better than yourselves.” This is the gospel! We are treated better by God himself! How little is it for us to treat others better. Its like the parable of the wicked servant. How many times we (I) take our fellow servants to task over such menial things!

    This is convicting to write! So many times I have to go back and apologize to others! (And apologizing goes a long way too!!!)

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